Words and pictures and sound.

Anything can happen on Halloween

But it usually doesn’t. Most of the time the only thing that happens on Halloween are the same things that happen to you on any other weekend. Sure, the slut that rejects you might have edged slightly closer to the line separating sexy and public indecency, but she rejects you all the same. Could it have been that your “Gerard Butler in the upcoming film ‘Chasing Mavericks’” costume was hastily constructed? No, you’ve had that wet suit and novelty sized surfing board (easy to carry, plus small things are hilarious [Note to self: While getting inquiries about surfing board, make joke about a dog surfing. Girls love animals].) for months. 

No, it’s just that Halloween is just another day. Here is the main problem with made up holidays: they are made up. Also non made up holidays don’t exist because think about it. So basically all holidays suck. You know what is cooler? Regular ass days. Regular days if you saw somebody dressed up like Edward Scissor hands you would be all like like, “Woah what a fucking wackado in that johnny depp wig”, and it would be magical and you would tell your friends about it and you would laugh and laugh. What if on a regular day people just came up to you and said Merry Christmas and gave you presents that were nicely wrapped? What if you got flowers on some random Tuesday that said I love you from that cute accounting major you sat next to in freshman comp but decided she would be way too into you if you guys boned so you were like whatever she isn’t even that hot, it’s not worth it but then when you finished the class you were like what an idiot I totally should have just done it and then whatever? 

There are no surprises anymore. All this shit is the same. Everyone just dresses in a costume for Halloween and gets drunk. We should do something new. Or at least do it on a new day. Why do we have to keep pretending like this is fun?

Random days are better than holidays because surprise is the greatest holiday that exists. I propose a surprise day instead of any other holidays. Surprise day is to be held on some random day of the year and announced by a mystery method every year or maybe some people don’t even know about it and it isn’t announced at all, that would be even more surprising  Or maybe it already exists and you don’t even know about it because wouldn’t that surprise you!

I don’t remember where I was going but I know that I don’t have a Halloween costume this year so this is what I did instead of go get drunk and pretend to have fun at a dumb party where I’m supposed to pretend like I want to have sex with the girl in the slutty Minnie Mouse costume just because her exposed flesh to costume ratio is like 8:1.