My tea is getting cold. That’s not a metaphor, adding an ice cube would not effect temperature at this point. But it’s also a metaphor. Because I’ve been out of school now for about a long time. That means that if I ever had aspirations of having a normal life where I do a career for 30 years, breakdown, leave my wife and kids and marry a young Filipina, my clock is ticking. So as my tea cools I take the bag out because I’m not hipster enough to have a loose leaf tea pot (it’s in the mail, 3 day delivery is a lie). I look at it, staring into what made my life what it is and looking back on why I couldn’t be a normal boring person who likes regular things and doesn’t feel compelled to write inane blog posts that echo endless into space.
One important thing to consider when you’re caught in a retrospection loop is to remember that you aren’t time traveling. This seems an obvious consideration but it deserves more commitment than a one off done before joke. You can’t actually change any of the events in your past, so why bother thinking what else you could have done? Instead try and examine what you did do, why and what you can do now. Much more constructive and helpful for keeping you away from wallowing in sadness. Helpful, not full proof. When you do inevitably think back to some break up, or death or missed opportunity just hit yourself. Really hard in the ribs with a closed fist should do it but if you a half a brick or the handle of a croquet mallet handy, go for it. This serves to remind you that shut up you big pussy, you’re still alive.
Another mindful tip should be that, as previously stated, you are still alive. So while all this reminiscing might be good for a little self pity and justification, you have current obligations and responsibilities that require your attendance. Your step-dad’s cat isn’t going to brush itself. And boy isn’t that thing hairy! Geez just the other day it sha
Number 3 is that you should never make things go on longer than they need to. Make it snappy. Don’t dwell on the past, especially not one event or aspect. That’s how people get sad and have to take a bunch of meds that your insurance doesn’t cover because it was technically a pre-existing condition which you’re not sure how they can prove but you figure your doctor knows better than you do so you just go with it. It’s important to just go with it to. So that’s number 4. Unless by practicing number 4 you are acting counter intuitively to number 3. Man I have a lot of respect for those laws of robotics now.
So that’s it for today, don’t forget to thumbs up, five star, rate, comment, subscribe, tweet, like, +1, pin and tumble this to all of the people who you added on social networks even though you don’t really care what they have to say because you only know them from highschool and you’re pretty sure you didn’t actually have any classes together. In fact, did she even go to your high school? Well, when you look it up she does. And she does look familiar. Hmmm, she’s mutual friends with Eric? How does he know her? I don’t ever remember him mentioning her before. Fuck it, lets just creep on her pictures. Oh wow, that looks like a fun party at the beach. Ohhh! A fire on the beach, it’s just like in that every Jack Johnson song. Except banana pancakes. OMG I totes know what I’m making for breakfast tomorrow.