“The only thing to fear is fear itself.” I don’t know what dumb idiot said this but it’s stupid and I’ll tell you why: the world is a trouser defecatingly terrifying place. Think about spiders and serial killers and bad drivers and natural disasters and loose gravel and itchy leaves and fire. Those things are pretty bad when you have to deal with them. And that’s only what? Like ten? I’m not going to go back and count because if I did I might miss whatever thing I am justifiably scared of probably sneaking up on me right now.
Okay. I’m back. Just had to check the corners of my room. The point is, there are tons of things you should be afraid of and anyone who tells you otherwise is feeding you a load of shit so immediately disregard them. Also, don’t let people feed you things that aren’t food. It’s not sanitary and it can’t be helping your digestion. Personally, I’m afraid of almost anything. Not everything, that’s pretty dumb you moron. What was your score in reading comprehension on those standardized tests, like 80%?! They are rigged! Everyone gets a 97 percentile okay, you aren’t smart. And why are you using metrics used in high school as a determinate of your current intelligence? Did you assume everyone else is as stagnant as you and bullshitted their way through college? God you are the worst.
You can be afraid of anything (Read: Not everything, you dummy. You mix up invincible and invulnerable too don’t you, god…no, I’m going to move on) and no one can call you out though. In the right context a pen can be as bad as a un-photogenic picture or a Facebook status someone made for you admitting you’re gay (we already knew). Granted these are all dumb things but the fact you’re a shallow minded Cro-Magnon should be enough of a context to convince everyone that those are okay things to be afraid of. Also it’s pretty impressive a prehistoric human can A) both understand the concept and can use the internet and B) is somehow still around and alive today. You look much younger in person than as those skeletons at museums.
I’m somewhere in the middle. I’m smart enough to realize not everything is scary but not enough to decipher what is what. That and I might be a paranoid schizophrenic. I don’t really like to entertain that notion though because if the FBI hears me thinking that they might finally end my program and take me back in on account of compromising the mission so secret they didn’t tell me about it. I digress, frequently and on purpose actually. It wasn’t a mistake. You’re reading my blog I don’t have to make poignant bookends for you, you entitled brat.
Tune in next time where I’ll stray from the topic of: Are the sounds in your music hypnotizing you into spelling words wrong? The answer will be no, you are lazy and can’t bother to right click the words with red squiggly underneath them, but tune in just the same.